I went to my tutorial on 13th Oct, and it was incredibly helpful. I went in to discuss my installation ideas mostly, but to also ask about how to approach my photography work.

Before my tutorial, i wrote a list of things I wanted to mention -

"Installation - ideas & development.

Photography - How I progress.

Short film - the struggle

Plus other potential ideas."

Kathleen liked my idea of following depersonalisation, because it's not only associated with anxiety, and it has been explored in art quite a bit. She gave me more ideas on how to approach the idea, which helped me and generally just talking about my ideas in tutorials helps me a lot because I gain confidence in the idea.

She also helped in terms of photography, since my photos aren't going to be as planned out as my film projects. She suggested I look at it through types & concepts of photography I like, an evaluation of what i've done before, and to look up on ethics of photography as I plan to do street/candid photography.

I wrote lots of notes down in my book, and I will copy them on to here (even if they don't make full sense!)

Installation -

My work explores subjective experiences of disassociated states. 

Psychological states and how they can be represented using moving image and sound.

How cinema has approached dis-embodiment. 

Psychology of film. 

Dis-associative states.

 Transcendental. 

Neurological/chemical sensory perception.

Neuro-physiology to brain.

Adrenaline & Dopamine's impact on senses.

William James.

Film and neuroscience memory.

How film follows the mind so we can follow the narrative.

Make it so it doesn't fear the audience. Make it relatable.

Beautiful.

Actors? Maybe associated with anxiety?

James Whitney.

What is it saying? Is it good or bad?

Neuroscience and sound.

Resonance for experimental sound.

Disembodied voices. Medium. Have a subject?

Psychoanalysis & film.

Gender perspective - gender and mental illness.

Politics of my work.

Hypnosis. 

Journey into memory.

Memory studies.

Experimental radio using voices.

Writing and voice relationship. Being different from each other.

Age & expectation.

Choreographing the screen. 

Scribble/gestures in writing to show anxious state.

Page to Page - Rip?

Messed up.

Moving Mozaic.

Series of exercises. 

Photography -

Investigate into it. 

Tate - conferences on photos. How they approach their work.

Proposal - technically challenging.

Synopsis/treatment.

Concept. Study in to the subject - photojournalist/documentary.

Statement - personal as to what I am.

Journel - statement my work.

Self evaluation.

Approach? 

Ethics of Candid. 

Ethics & Street Photography - Permission? 

I had briefly spoken to Tamara about See You Soon during the summer when we met for discussions on Transit. I was interested, but i never heard anything more until the first presentations. I think it was because we focused our attention on Transit, so it was hard to bring in more narrative ideas.

After the presentation, i spoke to her about my interest in the project. I then didn't hear much about it, we briefly spoke about it i think, but after a couple of weeks, i messaged her to see what was happening.

She told me that she was getting a script writer as she didn't feel she was capable of writing the script herself, which i completely understand. She sent me a script & treatment so I could fully understand the concept of the film.

 My only frustration was that at that moment, it seemed like there was a lot of uncertainty on the projects, this also happened with Jacob's project which I was also interested in.

However, Tamara managed to get a script writer literally just before the Tutorial we had on 13th October. I was uncertain at that time about my involvement on the film, so was a bit tentative on joining them for their tutorial. I decided I would though.I bumped into Tamara and then Al during lunch and we started to discuss the ideas together, it felt a lot more relaxed & i was feeling more confident in myself that we were going to start getting stuff done!

Stupidly, i will admit that i think because the group I am working with worked together last year, I found it hard to accept that they might want to work with me. I know that I work well with them, as i've worked with most of them in the past, but there's still that doubt I have in my mind. I'm also not very good at being vocal when i do want to work with people, or have my own ideas, so building up to this point was qutie stressful for me. 

Anyway, me, Al & Tamara went to the tutorial and were met later on by Jacob. We had a really good discussion on the concept, and Kathleen helped us shape the characters a lot more.

The concept had changed from the Mother dies to the Daughter dies, literally the morning of, so we were basically brainstorming with Kathleen to see how it could work. 

I really felt confident after the tutorial, and i was happy that we had an idea that seemed feasable, was something I was genuinely interested in and felt i was suited for, and that we had a big crew of people i felt confident would make something really good! 

My anxiety installation/film last year was focused on the sensations i experience while having a panic attack. I wanted to represent a POV view of what it is like when someone is having an attack.

Following on from this idea, i was thinking about how i had focused my attention quite a lot on 'depersonalisation' in anxiety. This is something i experience most times when i panic, and it is something quite horrific in many ways.

"Depersonalization - depersonalisation is an anomaly of self-awareness. It consists of a feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situationSubjects feel they have changed, and the world has become vague, dreamlike, less real, or lacking in significance. It can be a disturbing experience, since many feel that, indeed, they are living in a "dream".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

It is like having a dream, but it feels a lot more sensory & disorientating. It's like there's snapshots of your life happening, but you have no control over yourself, what you're doing/saying & you can't fully understand anything. It's like seeing and hearing everything inside a cloud, or through a barrier of mist.

 I want to be able to present this feeling through visuals and soundscapes. I want to make a film with the structure of normal to full on experience to aftermath. Nothing will fully be able to be recognised, it will all be shot through macro/blurred/bokeh, just enough that you can tell the features of things, but i want it to be disorientating. I want it to jump between situations (because when i am having this feeling, i usually feel like my life, or at least things i've done wrong are flashing in my mind, like fragments of life) through a montage, & through different stages of possible sounds and colours. At the end, it will cut sharply to a almost blankly shot space, coupled with vibrations reminiscent of complete silence, making the viewer be able to almost feel silence.

 This is something that happens to me once i have panicked, i usually feel as though my mind has completely rid itself of all thought, and i feel relaxed but drained, still partly in a dream like state. the shots will be a mix of body, nature, environments, textures, colours. I want it to be completely void of life, as if everything is being broken down to its core elements. Or as if you're looking through a microscope & feeling everything.

This project will be backed up with research into depersonalisation, but also autism. I feel like it has a good link with sensory overload, something that i have personal links to. It also has linked with drug use, and being on a 'trip' so i will try to bring some possible experiences of that into it too. 

Sensory Overload (Interacting with Autism Project) from Miguel Jiron on Vimeo.

Skin from Joel Plosz on Vimeo.

Tests

I was approached by Ben to do a Documentary pretty early into the year, and I was quite interested because it was involving anxiety & obviously I have done work on that in the past and it is a personal project i know i could connect to. I mostly heard about it through his presentations, and i always offered myself for the project.

However, it seemed as if there was a break down in communication, and as time went on, I lost confidence that the project would happen, and also it seemed as if there wasn't much development on the concept. 

I decided to think of it as not happening while I focused more on my own and other projects. It seems as if it's not happening now, which is sad as I was interested, but it just never seemed to evolve much. Nevermind. 

Pretty soon into the year, there appeared to be doubts about Transit. Kathleen wasn't completely sold on the idea, and personally I was becoming worried because it seemed like the concept was constantly changing, and with the fact that it seemed uncertain as to what was happening and I wanted to start thinking about other ideas, I was wondering what would happen.

Al presented the idea at the first presentation day, and it pretty much seemed like the film was a write off, but we/he did try to continue it. 

However it just didn't seem to have the same impact as it had originally, and also I think it was too big a project with too little a reason to make it.

I did really like the idea though, and i think it would have been a fun project to work on. 

I said I would help Alex for his project as we live together & I can help with more technical stuff/photography. 

He was doing some tests involving interview set ups so I helped him light one, and then sat in as a subject for another.

It was a fun little exercise to do on a morning!

I also helped Alex shoot some reference photos for the photography section with a film camera. He posed as if we were in a darkroom, so excuse the strange situations! He literally handed me the camera with film already in, so i'm really happy with the photos. Some are over exposed but that was my misjudgement with the window against the other shots that were further in the room.

Was shot on Minolta 505si. The photos follow a narrative. 

After hearing everyone's pitches on the first day of the assessment, i felt myself wanting to change the way I was presenting my ideas, and do a more of a pitch of myself as a Cinematographer but also mention my desire to try Sound Design.

I was quite relieved that my presentation wasn't till the second day so i could do this. 

I went to the library & quickly changed my presentation, making sure I was clear & was obviously expressing an interest in everyone's projects if they wanted me.

I felt like the presentation went well. I knew i wasn't as organised as i should be, i'm never any good at fully organising my personal ideas together, so that always seems a bit of a let down. I also appear to apologise a lot for what I do, and i know i need to work on that because i shouldn't be down about my work, and if i do a pitch in the professional work, i need to be confident otherwise i won't get anywhere! 

It seemed like people were interested in working with me, and i expressed my interest to other people. 

I thought it might be good to try to brainstorm by using word association.
A few words:
Love

Solace

Innocence

Smile

Silence

Grey

Nature

No Time

Right

Night

Expectations

Dreams

Tradition

Two Roads

Illusion

Childhood

Waiting

No Way Out

Obsession

I Can't.

All That I Have

I Give Up

Sleep

Curiosity

Discovery

Nostalgia

Solitude

Taken by me

Finding people who have seaked out silence from the world, isolation. But in a more peace & quiet way rather than sad. I think it is a simple concept. Alone.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/matosesfoto/5392694582

https://www.flickr.com/photos/madiator/5523389060

Links: 

http://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/gallery/2010/jan/29/john-bulmer-photographs-north

Documentary photography

traditions - people watching bonfire displays, capturing astonishment, a moment of wonder. Lewes bonfire

https://www.flickr.com/photos/stevemarland/sets/72157631712671679

Beeching & the closing of the railways

Guildford-Horsham line - cransleigh

lewes to uckfield http://www.blbgroup.co.uk/assets/images/Lewes_1.jpg

http://www.crjennings.com/The%20Remains%20of%20Britains%20Steam%20Age%20Railway/101-151/Rems%20101.html

barcombe http://s0.geograph.org.uk/photos/22/34/223449_d2daba99.jpg

I want to make an installation that is sensory based. I liked the idea of manipulating an emotion by presenting a video. My last piece was to make people anxious, but this time i want to make something different.I realised that i need it to continue the theme of point of view to get the full effect of being inside someone's mind, and manipulation.

My first idea is based around Tranquility & the idea of finding a calm place. It would involve different booths where people can go to places & feel calm. It could potentially comment on the busy technology filled lives we lead, and how i am also using the same technologies to make people get away from such things so it shows how much of a hold it has on us.

I will ask people about their ideas of tranquility & go to locations in the UK to find places i can film, potentially point of view, and make a soundscape to match. Also potentially some smells to accompany in the booths, and some form of touch. I want it to feel like a real experience.

Through the quick research into tranquility, i have found a link of manipulation within the idea of tranquility.

"Within tranquillity studies, much of the emphasis has been placed on understanding the role of vision in the perception of natural environments, which is probably not surprising, considering that upon first viewing a scene its configurational coherence can be established with incredible speed. Indeed scene information can be captured in a single glance and the gist of a scene determined in as little as 100ms. The speed of processing of complex natural images was tested by Thorpe et al. using colour photographs of a wide range of animals (mammals, birds, reptiles and fish), in their natural environments, mixed with distracters that included pictures of forests, mountains, lakes, buildings and fruit.

During this experiment, subjects were shown an image for 20ms and asked to determine whether it contained an animal or not. The electrophysiological brain responses obtained in this study showed that a decision could be made within 150ms of the image being seen, indicating the speed at which cognitive visual processing occurs. However, audition, and in particular the individual components that collectively comprise the soundscape, a term coined by Schafer to describe the ever present array of sounds that constitute the sonic environment, also significantly inform the various schemata used to characterise differing landscape types.

This interpretation is supported by the auditory reaction times, which are 50 to 60ms faster than that of the visual modality. It is also known that sound can alter visual perception. and that under certain conditions areas of the brain involved in processing auditory information can be activated in response to visual stimuli.

Research conducted by Pheasant has shown that when individuals make tranquillity assessments based on a uni-modal auditory or visual sensory input, they characterise the environment by drawing upon a number of key landscape and soundscape characteristics. For example, when making assessments in response to visual-only stimuli the percentage of water, flora and geological features present within a scene, positively influence how tranquil a location is perceived to be.
Likewise when responding to uni-modal auditory stimuli, the perceived loudness of biological sounds positively influences the perception of tranquillity, whilst the perceived loudness of mechanical sounds have a negative effect. However, when presented with bi-modal auditory-visual stimuli the individual soundscape and landscape components alone no longer influenced the perception of tranquillity.

Rather configurational coherence was provided by the percentage of natural and contextual features present within the scene and the equivalent continuous sound pressure level (LAeq)."

It seems that you can manipulate someone's perseptions of what is happening through audio being different to sound. This is making me think of making a project that manipulates the mind & comments also on how there is less and less tranquility in the world. It's all becoming artificial through apps & youtube 'calming' videos.

The Visual Illusion Produced By Sound - 

http://www.cns.atr.jp/~kmtn/pdf/ShamsKamitaniCogBrainRes02.pdf

The Importance of Auditory-Visual Interaction in the Construction of
‘Tranquil Space’- 

http://www.brad.ac.uk/research/media/centreforsustainableenvironments/Robs-Environmental-Psychology-Paper.pdf

Visual Capture - 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_capture

"Visual capture is a phenomenon in human perception where people tend to rely most heavily on visual images and the things they see dominate their understanding of a scene. If something feels inconsistent or does not make sense, the brain may unconsciously smooth it out, relying on visual capture to decide how to interpret the information in a way that will feel logical. " http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-visual-capture.htm http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGurk_effect
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4091305/

The McGurk effect is a phenomenon that demonstrates an interaction between hearing and vision in speech perception. The illusion occurs when the auditory component of one sound is paired with the visual component of another sound, leading to the perception of a third sound. The visual information a person gets from seeing a person speak changes the way they hear the sound."
http://now-here-this.timeout.com/2014/04/04/18-tranquil-places-in-england-to-rest-and-recharge/

foley is the showing of movement with re-recorded sounds over the top so people do not percieve the sounds to be wrong.

"Make something i am proud of in terms of beauty, spectacle. Don't be pressured by concept. I need to find a concept while photographing. Photos don't work when planned/pressured to be as planned. Re-discover old places, find new places. Discover the world through the camera."

- my first thoughts from my notebook.

In terms of photography, throughout university i have found myself having trouble with trying to bring concepts into photography. I always have plans or feel pressured to plan & then when i execute them, they don't really work out how i wanted.

In the third year, i would like to use photography a bit differently from how i had used it in the past. It is still a big part of my life and i would like to be able to showcase these skills to a bigger audience at the graduation show as well as developing my skills. As i said above, i do think that finding different ideas & trying to produce outcomes throughout the year will help, but i have still been trying to think of any concepts that i could explore. If i do these and then they fail, i know i will have to keep going and keep trying to push myself and my photographs.

Idea 1: Beeching

I feel like this idea is something i have already seen or heard, but it popped into my mind while i was researching. I was thinking of doing a project about where i come from, but putting my location into flickr & google always comes up with trains. It reminded me of my dad & Beeching. My dad used to be a train driver, and throughout my young and adult life, i have known of Beeching and the effect he had on the railways. We have visited lots of old railways and places that have been turned into new walks etc. I find it interesting that even 50 years later, you can see the effect it has had on both the landscape and the towns that were left without a rail system. I would like to visit a select number of locations and find out more from local people about how it effected them, as well as photographing what has been left behind.

Idea 2: Autumn

Even though i know i'd have to do this pretty quickly, i'd love to document the different colours of autumn. I'd like to be able to pick many different leaves & show the subtle differences in colour between each one. I am facinated by colour and nature so it would be a nice mix of both. I'd like to single out each leaf and potentially put it on a lightbox to show the makings of the leaf.

http://www.compoundchem.com/2014/09/11/autumnleaves/